He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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