We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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