That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
