That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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