Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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