Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
