remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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