Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
