No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
