4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
