you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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