we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
