On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
