He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He? As in you personified your dick?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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