I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
