I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
