bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
