So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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