her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
