Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
