at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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