If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
