you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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