Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
