OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
