is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
