Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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