chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
