he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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