quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
