i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
