Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
