you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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