Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
