She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it glows. i had to have it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize