he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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