we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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