my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
