He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
