She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
