Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
