OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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