you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
