I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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