Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
