Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
