She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
