I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
