I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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