I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
