hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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