I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
