I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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