I want to walk on stilts...naked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
