My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
