And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
