One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
