Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
