Nicole vs. Life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
