Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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