dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
