Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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