i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
