I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and i looked up. we had an audience...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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