Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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