Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
