Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
