i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
