I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
