I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
