I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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