i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
