they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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