My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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