he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
