Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
