he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
